Single Review: Little Mix – Cannonball


So they won the X Factor. Probably deservedly on the night, but over the whole series, arguably not. Anyway, as is now customary any effort to release an original song is out the window and we are subjected to a cover version of what is a superb song. Why Damien Rice allowed this is anyone’s guess – does he have to give his explicit permission for a cover version to be released? You’d assume so.

Anyway, onto the song. It starts devoid of any music and is purely a vocal intro – this is great for the first line or two, but it continues with minimal music right up to a full minute and 50 seconds. I have to tell you, everytime I listen to it my finger is inches away from the skip button when it finally kicks into gear.

If you’ve heard the Damien Rice version you’ll be familiar with the emotion put into the lyrics when he sings them – don’t expect this with the Little Mix version, zero connection with the song it’s just banged out and that’s your lot. They have at least avoided the dreaded key change that seems to be inserted into every X Factor song, regardless of whether it needs one or not.

To be fair to them, it’s so distant from the original it does stand on its own as a decent version but it’s actually quite a weak winners single. It’ll naturally storm to No1 but alas that proves nothing – the test is in the next single.

As a sidenote, Marcus Collins’ performance of Cannonball on the night was significantly better.

2 Tits out of 5

 

 

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Tulisa who?


So then, after months of speculation the judging line-up for the UK X Factor has been announced.

Out goes Cheryl, Danni and Simon isn’t around for the auditions so that leaves poor Louis and his new judging partners. Lets look at each in turn…

Gary Barlow – good old Gazza – he was confirmed a few weeks ago and in my opinion he’s a very good pick. Who would really argue if big Gazza suggested you were a bit off key? At least he know’s what he’s on about. A very successful singer, not to mention a fine songwriter too. I can see Gazza taking Simon’s role of unofficial ‘head judge’ and leading the panel. Bad points? He has a rather dull, droaning voice which makes him seem rather dull also does his addition mean that all Take That songs will be off limits for the contestants? No more Relight my Fire for Disco week.

Kelly Rowland – Ask someone to name the members of Destiny’s Child and most will reel off Beyoncé with no problems, on from that a fairly decent number of people will be able to name Kelly Rowland too. She’s walloped out a couple of decent dance floor stompers over the last few years and undoubtedly can sing. I think this is another good choice, she’s not exactly A-list but she’s definitely B or C list. She’s obviously filling the gap left by Danni and as much as I love Danni Minogue the thing that Kelly will bring that Danni never did is that I can imagine she’d have no qualms about actually performing on the show.

Tulisa Contostavlos – I can picture it now. An old couple sat at home tuning into the X Factor – there’s a slim chance they might know who Kelly Rowland is, there isn’t a chance in hell they’ll know who Tulisa is. This pick will either be an absolute disaster or a stroke of genius. Ironically she’s an untalented chav so she can technically pick up where Cheryl left off.  I don’t see it working personally, but i’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and see how she gets on.

I suppose if there is one silver lining to the new choices it’s that Lily Allen didn’t get a look in. I may well have never been able to tune in ever again.

Thoughts on the new judges?

Oh how the mighty have fallen ….


Cheryl Cole – she’s had an almighty rise to fame. Sure she started with nothing as a common chav, and she had to batter a black toilet attendant to get where she is, but she’s had a remarkable rise to fame.

And so we all wake up this morning to news that she has been unceremoniously ditched from the US X Factor. One wonders if Simon Cowell asked Lord Sugar to phone Cheryl personally to break the news Apprentice style for maximum impact. Apparently the Americans will struggle to understand her strong (?) Geordie accent. However given they have an absolute nobody with an equally strong Welsh accent hosting the show it makes me somewhat sceptical that that is the real reason.

Either way, It appears she has now been replaced with Nicole Zingertowerburger of Pussycat Dolls fame. She had a successful stint being a judge on the UK X Factor and so it makes perfect sense for her to be slotted in as a judge as opposed to co-hosting with Steve Jones.

Cheryl lost a lot of fans during the last season of the UK X Factor due to some dubious decisions and generally poor judging, being continually overshadowed by the much more knowledgable and articulate Danni Minogue. Many, me being one, were glad to see her shipped off to the US to be judge on the X Factor over there. But what now…

With the UK X Factor panel having only one confirmed judge and news that Danni Minogue will not return means that there is a very good chance that Cheryl will return to the UK X Factor. But how very embarrassing for her – being made to come back home, having been ditched from a very high profile US show. Not only has she missed the boat on what will probably be the biggest show on US TV this year but also any attempt to break the US musically will be damaged as she’ll be seen as having been brushed aside by the mighty hand of Simon Cowell.

Do I feel sorry for her? No. I felt she had got a bit ahead of her own press in recent years so this will hopefully bring her crashing back to reality. Given the poor decision to release Danni Minogue from the X Factor panel, I imagine ITV will be foaming at the mouth to get Cheryl on the phone – if I’m honest I’d welcome her back if it meant some of the other people rumoured to be judges didn’t get a spot on the panel. Tulisa N-Dubz anyone?

why'aye man.. i've lost me job!

Lily Allen


Lilly Allen

Think this is how she sings

 

Apparently Danni Minogue and Louis Walsh are being ditched and one of the many people lined up to replace them is her on the left . She’s one of those few ‘celebrities’ who gets right on my tits. I appreciate Danni Minogue isnt exactly A-List megastar but i dont think i could stomach Lily Allen on the X Factor.

She’s had two number ones and a collection of songs which barely made it into the top 40 – all very average and all sung in a ridiculous pyseudo cockney accent.

I hate her.